Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
