i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
