So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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