I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
