I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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