R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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