"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think people are normalizing furries
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
