its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
