Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
no, he came in my armpit
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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