You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
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