oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
