Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
