I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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