You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
