I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
