Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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