Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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