There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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