so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
