Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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