Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
