Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
