I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
