we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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