you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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