remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
