I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
