So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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