ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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