well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
