Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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