take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Randomize
