Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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