Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
