Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
