and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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