i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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