you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
