If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
