i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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