i used baking grease as lip gloss
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
