There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
