is your mom at the bar?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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