honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
