The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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