laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
