My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Me too!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
