I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
