woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
me + whiskey = a bad person
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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