The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
