its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
