Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
