thus making me awesome and them whores
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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